Confidence Is Not Arrogance – Be the Real You!

When we picture a “confident businessperson,” what comes to mind? Sharp outfits, big handshakes, fast talkers, and bold decisions? That might be what we see in the movies, but is that what real confidence looks like? Does it always have to be loud, or come with stage-worthy charisma?

Think about it— Donald Trump ticks many of these boxes: bold, outspoken, and unapologetically direct. But does that mean that is the only way to be confident? Not necessarily. That style might work for some, but it is not the only expression of confidence—and it is certainly not the right fit for everyone.

In fact, some of the most impactful people in business are quietly assured, deeply reflective, and know exactly when to speak—and when not to. Confidence does not have to be loud to be powerful.

As a coach, I have worked with many business owners, leaders, and entrepreneurs. And if there is one recurring theme I see again and again, it is this: confidence wavers. I am one of them too. Even the most “successful-looking” people doubt themselves—especially when they are trying something new, navigating change, or growing into leadership.

So let us unpack what confidence really is.

Confidence Is Not the Absence of Doubt

Many people think they need to get rid of all self-doubt before they can feel confident. But self-doubt and confidence are two different things. In fact, self-questioning is something we all experience—it helps us reflect on our past experiences and avoid real danger.

Think about it: humans cannot walk when we are born. Then, as toddlers, we walk and fall—all the time. But we do not doubt ourselves. We believe we can do it, so we try again and again. Yes, we fall, sometimes we get hurt—but eventually, we become confident walkers. That is how confidence is built: not in the absence of falling, but in the willingness to keep going despite it.

Confidence is a relationship you build with yourself. It sounds like:

“I’m not sure how this will go, but I trust that I’ll figure it out.”

That kind of inner trust does not come overnight. It is built through experience, reflection, and sometimes—yes—failure. But every time you get back up, you prove to yourself that you are more capable than you thought.

As a runner, I question myself all the time. Especially on race day—I know I have done all the training, and there is nothing more I can do except show up and run. I am not there to win anything. And yet, there is always a little voice in my head telling me not to go, to stop and avoid injury. Instead of silencing this little voice, I talk to it and let it knows I am ok. Every marathon, around the 30km mark, I hit the wall and want to quit. That is when I tell myself: slow down, right foot, left foot—just one step at a time.

That is the confidence I am practising.

Real Confidence Looks Different on Everyone

One client of mine once told me she felt very confident in face-to-face selling but like an imposter when recording videos for social media. In person, her quiet passion and deep knowledge naturally drew people in. That was her confidence—it just did not translate the same on camera.

On the surface, she seemed like a confident person—because she was, in that context. But behind the scenes, she had to work hard to project that same energy in videos. No one would know she was struggling unless she said it out loud.

We were taught to believe that confident people are confident all the time, everywhere. That is simply not true.

Confidence takes energy. When you care about what you are doing, when it matters to you, you naturally put energy into it—and that energy can show up as confidence. For my client, she poured her energy into real-life conversations and relationships, and her confidence showed there. But with video, her energy was spent worrying about how she would be perceived, and that hesitation showed and affected her confidence.

So here is a tip: don’t waste your energy worrying. Save and regain it by resting, relaxing, even sleeping—especially before moments when you need to show up as your most enthusiastic and confident self.

Recently, I have been interviewing for a job. I found myself spending a lot of time worrying about what people thought of me after each interview. Then I received rejection emails saying they had found someone who was a better fit.

But job hunting—just like hiring—is a matching process. No matter how much I worry, I cannot change the outcome. It is better to save my energy for the next interview and show up as myself again, hoping that I will be a good match for the team—and that the team will also match what I am looking for.

It is always a two-way street. Confidence is not “they’ll like me.” Confidence is “I’ll be fine if they don’t.”

Confidence Can Be Learned, Coached, and Practised

Here is the good news: confidence is not fixed. It is a skill, and like any skill, it can be developed.

We often consume a lot of information to improve ourselves—we read blogs (like this one!), watch YouTube videos, or attend workshops. But without practice, that knowledge stays theoretical. Confidence grows through doing.

I have seen people who shine on stage in drama class, but cannot make eye contact offstage. That is because they have practised performing, but not connecting. I am not saying you should act confident. I am saying: get clear on who you are, what matters to you, and practise showing up from that place.

I often invite my clients to reflect on moments when they did feel confident:

• What were they doing?

• Who were they with?

• What strengths were they using?

Their answers are always different, but one theme runs through: confidence is not about being “better.” It is about being more you and channel it to different situations.

You can ask yourself these questions and either journal your reflections—so you can revisit them later—or simply close your eyes and visualise those moments. Feel them in your body. Practising this helps you reflect, build a collection of confident memories, and calm your anxiety when you need it most.

Final Thoughts

Confidence in business is not a personality type—it is a practice. Whether you are starting your own venture, stepping into leadership, or simply trying to show up more fully at work, confidence grows through action, reflection, and support.

If you ever feel like you are not confident enough, it is because you care about what you are doing so much and you worry about you are not good enough. You are not alone.

If this resonates and you want to explore your own confidence journey through coaching, feel free to get in touch. I would love to support you.